Aomine's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Life
by Andronophobia
Summary: In which Kuroko is Akashi's omega and Aomine has to unfortunately deal with it. "The football team seems to be conflicted between describing Kuroko as 'the cutest little thing *insert heart eyes here*' and 'hot as f**k twink omega *insert inappropriate boner here*."


Aomine loves college life.

It's fan-fucking-tastic. He's on a basketball scholarship, which scored him a place in a ridiculously and unnecessarily posh, all-alpha, university. There are no parents nagging him every five minutes, he doesn't have to hide his porn magazines anymore, and there are girls (with boobs), not omega girls, but girls nonetheless.

But because the universe hates him, Aomine has to share a dorm with Akashi Seijuro.

And as an extra little 'fuck u Aomine lol', Akashi has an omega, as in an omega omega, who also happens to be Aomine's best friend, and since omegas are so rare, the law dictates that omegas must, must, must live with their alpha.

So, in correction, Aomine has to share a dorm with Akashi and his omega—Kuroko.

It's not like its cramped or anything; their dorms are huge—2 dorms per floor—and usually four people share a dorm.

And Aomine loves it; sharing a dorm with his best friend—and his satanic alpha—its grate. Gr8. Great.

What Aomine does not love is having to listen to Kuroko get fucked by Akashi Motherfucking Seijuro Every. Single. Night.

They fuck so much it has Aomine wondering how Kuroko shits when Akashi's dick is constantly up his ass.

And the thing is, Kuroko releases a fuckton of horny omega pheromones. And he's surrounded by a fuckton of sex deprived, horny alphas because helllooo it's an all-alpha college—what do you fucking expect?

So, sexy time omega pheromones plus horny alpha equals not a very good thing.

But it's not like there are alphas barging in, demanding that Akashi give up Kuroko for a school gangbang—no, because alphas respect another alpha's claim.

That and Akashi is alpha of the Akashi pack—one of the most powerful packs in Japan, blah, blah, blah—and he's also alpha to the entire student body, so even though Akashi is 100% human and 500% approachable, no one so much as looks him in the eye because wow have you seen Akashi Seijuro.

But that doesn't stop the entire floor from glaring at Aomine as if they want to pour hot sauce into his mother's vagina, as if he's the one who has been moaning into a microphone all night long.

Aomine really doesn't fucking understand it, but apparently the entire school hates him because they want to be him because, apparently 'he's so fucking lucky he gets to hear and smell the alpha pounding his omega.'

Even the captain of the star trek club—the motherfucking star trek club, what the fuck, what kind of university has a star trek club —looks at Aomine like he wants to shove shards of broken glass into his asshole.

Aomine is one more moan away from drinking bleach.

/

Aomine hates Kise.

"Dai-chan, did Tetsu-kun touch this?"

Aomine hates Momoi.

"Yeah, he folded the laundry."

Momoi squeals. Outright fucking squeals in delight and rubs his folded shirt against her face because 'Tetsu-kun touched it!'

"Put it in here Momocchi!" Kise holds open a zip-lock bag, and no, no, no, no, no what are they doing because that is Aomine's favorite shirt.

"What are you two doing with my shirt?"

"I'm sorry Dai-chan, your shirt is now property of the K.T.F.C now that Tetsu-kun has touched it!"

"The what?"

"The Kuroko Tetsuya Fan Club, Aominecchi!"

"The Kuroko Tetsuya Fan Club," The Kuroko Tetsuya Fan Club Aomine has to breathe deeply and count to ten because this is the third shirt they've 'confiscated' from him.

"And do fucking enlighten me as to why you two can't just take Tetsu's clothes instead of mine?"

"We can't take Kurokocchi's clothes Aominecchi!" Kise lets out an indignant squawk, as if the mere idea of taking Kuroko's clothes is equivilant to murder itself, "Then he'll have to walk around naked!"

And if Aomine has to walk around naked it's no fucking problem because no one gives a shit about Aomine.

"That's right Dai-chan! We can't let anyone see Tetsu-kun naked!"

"Except for us!" Kise, ever so helpful Kise, adds.

"Except for us!" Momoi cheerfully agrees.

"You know that Akashi has seen Kuroko naked more than you ever will in your combined life spans. I hate to break it to you, but Kuroko is dating Satan's unborn fetus."

"Not for long Dai-chan, not for long."

Momoi rubs her hands together; the perfect picture of a villain fresh out of a Disney movie, and Aomine really doesn't want to know what she means by that because they can't actually be planning on killing Akashi because that's fucking crazy and not to mention illegal. Very Extremely Illegal.

/

The next time Aomine sees Akashi, Akashi has gauze around what appears to be a giant gash on his arm. He explains to Kuroko that a flower pot almost fell onto his head, but he managed to doge it just in time and, "You needn't worry, Tetsuya, I've dealt with it."

Dealt with it?question mark?

Just what exactly did he 'deal with'.

/

The next time Aomine sees Kise and Momoi they look as if their grandmother ran over their puppy and forced them to watch.

"What happened to you two?"

"Akashicchi," Is all they say before they walk off, presumably and hopefully to kill themselves and end Aomine's suffering.

/

Because they go to an all-alpha university, and because Kuroko is one of three omegas in the all-alpha university everyone fucking knows him.

And everyone fucking loves him.

Because why not? Kuroko bakes like it's nobody's business. His cookies taste like the happiness of orphans and his cakes tastes like how an orgasm feels. And Kuroko gives everyone cake and cookies. And he sits with Akashi in his classes and raises his hands to answer questions. And Kuroko is so smart and nice and kind and homey and sometimes Aomine gets drunk and cries about how 'an angel like Kuroko ended up with Akashi'.

Kuroko is more popular than the captain of the basketball team which is ridiculous because Aomine is the captain of the basketball team. The football team seems to be conflicted between describing Kuroko as 'the cutest little thing *insert heart eyes here*' and 'hot as fuck twink omega *insert inappropriate boner here*.'

Aomine is just very, very extremely uncomfortable seeing alphas jerk off in the shower rooms to the thought of his best friend's mouth around their dick.

/

Kuroko is a tease.

Aomine is very, very unfortunately privy to this information as Kuroko has a habit of leaving his lacy panties scattered about the dorm. And it really doesn't fucking help that Akashi keeps buying him more.

How much panties does one omega need?

They're so provocative that Aomine's 6000% sure they don't even hold in anything; it's just pieces of string, which really do look gr8 on Kuroko's ass, but that's not the fucking point. Aomine just really does not want to see his best motherfucking friend's panties because it leaves him traumatized.

Fucking traumatized.

And just to kick him while he's down, Kuroko's tease levels go over 9000 someone pls kill Aomine for making that joke when Akashi's near his rut.

To make a short story short, it's 8am on a Monday morning when Kuroko walks into the P.O.B lecture wearing a skirt that hardly covers his ass and everyone dies.

Akashi—being Akashi; the socially constipated fetus—blushes, actually fucking blushes-what the fuck Akashi Seijuro does not blush—and his eyes go wide, as if he's seeing Kuroko in all of his raw, bleeding beauty for the first time, as if he's abso-fucking-lutely blown away by Kuroko's sheer radiance.

It all goes to shit, of course, when Akashi pulls Kuroko into his lap and makes him stay there for the entire lecture, his hands idly fiddling with Kuroko's milky white garter belt, skirting dangerously close to the omgea's crotch.

Aomine has to leave half way through the lecture because the two alphas to his left are sporting boners the size of Mount Everest and the alpha to his right is about to die with the amount of blood he's losing from his nose.

/

Kuroko has a nice ass.

Like, a really, really nice ass.

Like, an ass so nice it should be named a national treasure.

This seems to be public information.

Kuroko's walking in front of Aomine and Akashi like it's nobody's business, as if alphas don't drop what they're doing to stop and openly ogle at Kuroko's milky white thighs and his wide curvy hips and his plump little ass.

This one kid drops his jaw and stares at Kuroko in a stunned silence, as if he's never seen an omega in his entire life; which he probably hasn't.

Akashi, of course, growls at him, and the kid—a motherfucking 19 year old—literally fucking wets his pants and Aomine laughs so hard he ends up on the floor, clutching his stomach.

They don't make it too far to their dorm before a gust of wind blows up Kuroko's skirt and Aomine gets and eyeful of white, lacy thongs and he has to excuse himself to the nearest janitor's closet so he can bleach his eyes.

/

Aomine's last exam ends at 6 p.m and he's tired as fuck when he gets back to the dorm.

The first thing he sees is Kuroko sleeping on top of Akashi on the couch.

Cute.

But then Aomine passes through the living room to get to the kitchen and he sees that Kuroko is naked, Akashi has no pants on, and Kuroko's little pink cunt is stretched tight around Akashi's knot.

To make things worse, Akashi moves around a bit and Kuroko squirms on his cock and lets out a pathetic little whimper.

Aomine barely makes it to the bathroom before he throws up the contents of his lunch.

/

Aomine burns the couch.

/

Aomine sees it on a Monday.

He'd really love to not have to deal with shit like this on a Monday but apparently the universe hates him.

There are six of them and they take up the entire notice board, blocking all of the notices that are actually fucking important because what the fuck, there are six posters all with some variation of 'Vote for me for president of the Kuroko Tetsuya Fan Club.'

The Kuroko Tetsuya Fan Club.

The Kuroko Tetsuya Fan Club.

 **The Kuroko Tetsuya Fan Club.**

What.

The.

Fuck.

Aomine really doesn't know how to process the information because what?

He's heard Momoi and Kise whisper about it to themselves, like the absolute fucking creeps they are when it comes to Kuroko, and like anything they ever do, he brushed it off, because it's so incredibly hard to take them seriously when they get a fucking aneurism from just touching something that Kuroko's breathed on.

Aomine never really thought about what they do to the Kuroko related things they take from the dorm.

Aomine never really wants to think about what they do to the Kuroko related things they take from the dorm.

They never really took anything noteworthy from the dorm, just maybe a few of Aomine's shirts and trousers that Kuroko had folded, because those had Kuroko's sweet, sweet omega scent on them, other than that, the most extreme, Kuroko-ish thing they had taken was a paper towel that Kuroko had blown his nose into.

Fucking disgusting.

Aomine just assumed that Kise, Momoi and almost every other alpha in the uni came together and had some sort of group masturbation orgy over the things they managed to sneak out of the dorm.

What Aomine did not assume was that there was an entire club dedicated to jerking it off to his best friend.

/

It's funny how alphas make so many jokes about omegas being the weaker sex—being soft, and fragile, and dependent—when Kuroko has them all wrapped around his finger.

Having an omega on an all alpha campus has always been and will continue to be a bad idea, but the government doesn't seem to think so.

There are three omegas on their campus; two of them have already been sexually harassed or assaulted in some way, and that leaves Kuroko.

Aomine thinks that it's ironic really. Kuroko—small and weak Kuroko, that looks as if the wind were to blow too hard it would knock him down like a bowling pin—has alphas at his every beck and call.

Aomine doesn't think it's because of Akashi—Aomine knows it isn't because of Akashi; Akashi, the motherfucking sociopath that once ripped another alpha's throat out with his teeth because they looked at Kuroko in the wrong way. (Alphas killing alphas for omegas was pretty normal, but Akashi just kinda took it to the extreme, Aomine hypothesizes that this is because Akashi is not very right in the head but you really don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure that one out.)

No, Kuroko is safe because of Kuroko. Kuroko that sleeps with a motherfucking gun beneath his pillow, Kuroko that carries a taser with him, Kuroko that ignite punched Kise in the face so hard he got a black eye, Kuroko that walks around the campus like a straight up fucking mob boss.

Kuroko; the omega that doesn't need an alpha to take care of him.

/

"Ah, ah, Seijuro—I need—"

"What do you need Tetsuya?"

"I need you."

"I'm afraid I don't understand what you're saying. Let's try this again, Tetsuya—what do you need?"

"I need your cock Seijuro—"

Aomine gets up and fucking leaves because he can't fucking deal with this anymore—he doesn't care that its 2 AM and that he's only wearing his underwear, he just fucking leaves.

/

Aomine comes back to Kuroko bent over Akashi's lap on the couch, with a vibrator in his red ass, and Akashi doesn't stop spanking him even though they both fucking know that Aomine is right there.

/

Aomine burns the couch again.

/

Apparently the Kuroko Tetsuya fan club auctions off all of the shit Kise and Momoi steal from their dorm to the highest bidder who will have the pleasure of jacking it off to Kuroko's scent because that totally isn't creepy.

Aomine's shirt sold for $150 and what the fuck that is a ridiculous amount of money to pay for a shirt that you're gonna come on and then discard like the absolute fucking creep you are.

Aomine figures that Kuroko wouldn't mind if one of his panties went missing.

At first Aomine feels terrible, auctioning off his friend's underwear without his permission, but then he remembers the eternal suffering he has to go through every night.

Aomine figures that it'll make him at least a solid $300 and he almost masturbates to the thought of how many pizzas he can buy with $300.

When Aomine shows them Kuroko's slick covered panties in a zip lock bag, Kise gets a boner and blood gushes from his nose like a second Niagara Falls.

Momoi just straight up fucking dies.

"Y-You have to submit all auction items t-to the president before it gets a-auctioned off." Momoi's face is red and she looks like she's having some serious trouble to process words in the almighty presence of Kuroko's panties.

"You aren't the president?"

"I-I can only dream," Momoi's nose begins to bleed, "He's in his office."

His office. Fancy shit for a club dedicated to jacking off to his best friend.

Aomine gets slightly worried, if one of these two idiots isn't the president then who is?

Of course, since the universe hates Aomine, he immediately regrets ever even thinking of auctioning off Kuroko's panties once he walks into the president's office.

Because sitting there, with his smirk that spawned right out of Satan's ass, as if he was expecting Aomine, is Akashi Motherfucking Seijuro.


End file.
